maybe theres a reason I didnt write this one in the first place, but here it is now:
(I know this is long, but bear with me.....)
At church there have been quite a few students (younger and older!) that have stepped up to the plate to give a sermon to youth group. All of them did an excellent job, and you could tell that the Holy Spirit just had His hand on all of them. The power of their messages still have affect in my life, and i felt like God wanted to me to give a sermon as well.
I thought i had heard wrong because..well me and public speaking had always equaled complete disaster. He didnt want me to did He? ME?!?! So i didnt tell anyone about it, but I kept on praying. Sure enough, God wanted me to get up there and share the message he laid on my heart: Holiness. In fact, when my youth pastor told me that i was "on the list", i started hyperventilating, and almost started crying. The thought of me getting up in front of 100+ people for about 30 minutes terrified me.
But over the months, i prepared mentally, and spiritually. I went even deeper into His Word than i had ever done before. I found myself praying in the Spirit constantly. And in this period, I learned to put my emotions aside- God taught me to trust Him COMPLETELY. My family was praying, my friends were praying, and people i didnt even know were praying for January 20th, 2010.
The day before and the day of I had total peace. I was quiet, focussed, and ready for what was about to come. Well that all fell apart when i arrived at church Wednesday night.. I couldnt speak, the "shaking" started, and everyone wanted to talk to me. "Oh Anna, I'm so excited about you talking tonight".. i wanted to say..."JUST ME AND GOD RIGHT NOW, JUST ME AND GOD...GET AWAY!!!!!!" All throughout worship, the game, announcements, and small group i could barely breathe and i couldnt look at anyone. On top of that, that place was packkkkkkeeeedddddd.
Finally, the time came and i walked towards the pulpit. I stared out at everyone, my youth pastor prayed over me, and all that fear left. I stopped shaking. My heart was not beating 3906428976489273648972miles an hour, and when i spoke, it wasnt me speaking. I felt God give me all the words. They just came, and oddly enough, i felt completely comfortable up there. God gave the confidence, and my words reflected it. I could feel God working in me, and in that sanctuary. There was this unspeakable joy in me, and wanted to make sure I didnt leave saying anything less than what He wanted me to.
He is bigger than our emotions. I had to give God a situation that i literally had no control over. All He asked me to do was get up there, and the only thing He is looking for is our obedience. He will take care of the rest! And despite my fear, and the enemy telling me that i couldnt do it, GOD CONQUERED ALL!!!!
